2022 pt. 1
I decided this year instead of hearing me babble on - I’d love for you to read what Ania, the bride running on the beach in the long floral dress, had to say about being present on her wedding day. Ania and Ian’s wedding day was not rushed, it was free flowing, and it was one of the weddings i’ve felt the most creative freedom at - which - I think resulted in images that feel really true to the two of them. Here’s what she had to say …
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A wedding day carries so very much weight. But that doesn’t mean the heaviness has to consume you and you can’t end up with the most perfect, authentic wedding day. A day that feels long not sped up, easy not laborious, and centered around doing the things you love, seeing every single one of your favorite people, eating your favorite food, sprinting down a beach with your bridal party, and watching your guests fill your venue with so much warmth, all the while your partner is squeezing your hand, that moment of, wow, this is perfect. That happened at our wedding, despite my diligent planning. In fact, I think due to my planning, I was able to do something very unique for our day. I deliberately planned for there to be unknowns, for there to be space. I threw out the rigid wedding playbook because I wanted to actually enjoy our day.
My mother always told me that she regrets one thing about her wedding day: being only focused on herself, her dress, her photos, her music, her, her, her. She recounted to me, “I wish I had stayed laser focused on us.” It was some of the best advice. That this wedding day is about you and your partner and you should never find yourself saying “my wedding” or centering the day on you. Instead, agree with your partner that you each focus all your energy on one another that day. Then, both of your cups will be full, not an ounce of self-involvement clouding your vision.
Next on throwing out the playbook: When I was asked if I wanted bridesmaids entrances, a song for my cake cutting, a song for my bouquet toss, and so many other modern wedding “moments”, I replied with a resounding no. I started by telling my planner and Abbey that I wanted candid, organic moments. So, I had to follow through. That meant letting vendors simply do their jobs.
After dinner we were all meant to take to the dance floor, with just a ten minute break for cake and socializing. Instead, the deck where everyone had enjoyed dinner slowly emptied out, guests flooded the lawn and then the beach, shoes off, ankles deep in Lake Michigan. No announcement, no panic, no worry. We all just went with it. I knew my planner would know what to do. A toddler waddled along the sand, girls held their gowns up at their knees. My cousin dove head first off the dock with his entire suit on. A kayak drifted by with a groomsman in it. And my best friends all made their way out to the sand bar with bottles of Veuve in hand, shouting and twirling, snapping iPhone pics of my gigantic dress billowing in the hot, humid breeze. My cheeks were so rosy, we were getting just the right amount of tipsy, my bridesmaid accidentally stepped on my train and ripped my dress, we cackled out belly laughs, our hair was a damn mess. For as meticulous of a planner I am, I could not have planned all of that magic. And that, my 2023 brides and grooms, was not on the shot list. Yet was the best set of photos of the night. Riddle me that.
Abbey was snapping photos all day and night, and the only organization we had was about ten minutes of family portraits directly after the ceremony. You get the best outcome from your vendors when you let them take creative liberty, and let them do the job you hired them to do. Days after our wedding, the last thing I was thinking about was, what will the photos look like. Strive for that, and the photos will turn out amazing. We reviewed our preview reel while sitting in the car, waiting for our sandwiches to be ready during a rainstorm in downtown Suttons Bay. I texted Abbey, in tears, and told her that she captured a part of us I have never seen. That she captured the day in a way I could have never imagined.
My advice would be this: plan for space in your day, trust your vendors, limit your family portraits to ten minutes, and limit your couples shots to ten minutes, too. Attend your cocktail hour, never let go of your partner’s hand. Stay together, and every photo will be candid of you two, along with all your groupings of friends and family as you visit, and cheers, and twirl around. Actively work against your planner, in the most respectful way — after all, you hired them to corral you all day, so let them tell you what to do and where to be. Be wild and forget the timeline and the shot list because, Abbey and your planner and your DJ and your caterer all know it, so that you don’t have to. Throw out the Pinterest board and focus on building a day you’ll love, not one that will photograph beautifully. Because the photos you’ll love the most are the ones you won’t have planned. I promise.
-Ania
